Ha! I'm totally a homeschooling mom, as I sit to write this account of October's meeting in December! It has been a busy autumn.
Becky and I split the work for this presentation. She started our meeting with the following quote from Matthew Henry's commentary on this passage of scripture: And to love their children, not with a natural affection only, but a spiritual, a love springing from a holy sanctified heart and regulated by the Word; not a fond, foolish love, indulging them in evil, neglecting due reproof and correction where necessary, but a regular Christian love, showing itself in their pious education, forming their life and manners aright, taking care of their souls as well as their bodies, of their spiritual welfare as well as of their temporal, of the former chiefly and in the first place. The reason is added: That the Word of God may not be blasphemed. Failures in such relative duties would be greatly to the reproach of Christianity.
So really, does anything else need to be said? Not really, but here is how the meeting continued --
It is sobering to think that my words and actions toward my children could cause the Word of God to be blasphemed. However, we need not be discouraged by such a daunting warning. We know that we are going to fail sometimes. Matthew Henry reminds us that this rigorous love springs from "a holy sanctified heart" and is "regulated by the Word of God." As I stay rooted in the reading of scripture and in prayer, I am equipped to love my children this way, and His grace and love to me can be multiplied in their lives.
We again talked about the power of our words -- the importance of using them to build up our children and not tear them down and the importance of saying "I'm sorry." We talked about the importance of not being blindly permissive, but rousing ourselves to correct and discipline when it is necessary. As Christians, it is also important to know when it is time to correct and when it is time to show mercy and give encouragement instead.
Becky closed with the reminder that the word for "love" here is "phileo," meaning a love that enjoys and cherishes. Loving our children in this way is joyful and affectionate; it means laughing together, cheering them on, and empathizing with their hurts (instead of saying, "I told you so").
As I took over with the practical applications of some of these ideas, I reminded us all that our goal is to raise children who will leave us one day. Will they make wise decisions then? Will they call us for counsel then? Will they call us when they make big mistakes then? What kind of relationship are we building now? I hope that all of us are working to build open, honest, and loving relationships with our children.
Some ways that we can do this are: listening to them (even when we are not interested in the topic at hand), observing them (discover their strengths and weaknesses, figure out what interests them -- use this information in planning school or encouraging them to try new things), thinking and praying about their futures, preparing them for their futures (home skills, traits for success, relationships, spiritual battles, etc.), and showing them tough love when it is needed (stick to the consequences that have been laid out).
Finally, I talked about adjusting to the different phases of parenting. For example, a toddler needs immediate correction, but often a teen needs time to cool down before correction can take place. Teens and pre-teens will also often have emotional outbursts, and we need to know when to just give them a hug. Always we want to watch that we don't lose our tempers and yell at our children, but with teens it is especially easy to get pulled into a shouting match. So we just need to be prepared for that different stage of life, remembering that we want to build a relationship that will be rock solid when the time comes for them to be out on their own.
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