I've just started a new book -- Kristen Welch's Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World. In it (well, at least in the first chapter, which is all I've gotten to), Welch encourages us to think about how we drive entitlement in our children because we never really consider exactly what our children are innately entitled to. They are not entitled to cars or new clothes or college or cell phones or...
They are entitled to one thing, though, according to Welch. They are entitled to our unconditional love. I agree. Our children are entitled to our unconditional love.
However, I would argue that there are at least two more things that they are entitled to. First is our thoughtful consideration of what they need from us in order to be able to live life successfully on their own. Second is the of teaching those things that we have identified.
Have you thought about what your child needs in order to be a successful adult? I mean, actually taken time, maybe multiple times over the years, to consider what your child needs to learn in order to live on his own in just a few years? Have you made a list? Have you thought about what you can teach your child this year to take her further down that road to independence? I am considering household tasks, such as laundry, bathroom and kitchen cleaning, cooking, lawn mowing, gutter cleaning, and the like. I am considering academic tasks, such as writing a paragraph and the basic math needed for life. I am considering relational tasks, such as reaching out to a new person in a group, understanding when someone needs to be left alone or needs a listening ear, and having a disagreement without destroying a friendship. I am considering spiritual tasks, like regular prayer, knowing the Bible well enough to not be misled by false doctrine, the practice of self-control, really hearing sermons, and applying all these to daily life. I am considering life skills, such as care for an automobile, being able to manage a calendar, saying "no" to lesser things in order to devote time to the more important, and volunteering in the community.
There are countless other things that may make your list if you think about it. I want to exhort you and myself, too. Sometimes we get so consumed by providing good activities for our kids that our lives quickly become absorbed by driving to and from practices, lessons, and play dates. Carving out quiet time to think about what our kids really need doesn't seem to be a priority. Cutting good things out of our schedules to hopes of having time for the better seems risky. It is counter-cultural to do these things. It is difficult to do these things.
I would make the argument that it is necessary to do these things, and that we owe it to our kids to do so. This year, we will have two meetings about "Raising Arrows, Not Aprons." We will be talking about the things that our children need from us in order to go out into the world successfully. If you are anything like me, you try to smooth the way for your kids, at least in the areas of life where you can. I am beginning to realize that the more I do that, the more I am tying my children to me (like an apron), making them dependent on me to help them through even the minor difficulties of life. I invite you to join me on this journey of considering what we, as parents, can do to equip our children to be sent out like arrows after these brief years in our homes. It is one of the few things that they are actually entitled to.
