December 8 meeting -- Be Self-Controlled

There is something good for me in being called to present something that I still struggle with myself.  I learned a lot in preparing for this lesson and was glad for the reminder to be self-controlled, "so that no one will malign the word of God."  I took much of the information for this presentation from Carolyn Mahaney's book Feminine Appeal. 

The word used in Titus 2 for self-controlled is "sophron."  The root word that it comes from is "sophroneo," which means "to be in a right state of mind, have sober judgement; to be self-controlled."  (Thank you NIV Key Word Bible.)

What are some things we need to do in order to "be in a right state of mind?"  First, we must recognize that we are our own worst enemies.  It is helpful for us to remember that we have sinful desires and that we like to indulge them.  Secondly, we must realize that self-control doesn't just happen.  We must continually work toward greater self-control.  (Phil. 2:12 says "...continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to His good purpose.")  Finally, we must be aware that our thoughts and feelings are part of our fallen nature and can be sinful themselves.

What are some things that we need to do in order to "have sober judgement?"  The first thing we need is to know God's will, and the only way to do this is to be intently studying God's word on a regular basis (Romans 12:2).  We also need wisdom to be able to apply God's word to our situations, knowing how and when to speak and to act.  Fortunately, God has told us in James 1:5 that all we need to do is to ask Him for wisdom and He will give generously to us.

The hardest step of all may be in exercising self-control.  Sometimes it feels as if we are giving up what we really want when we have to be self-controlled.  However, Carolyn Mahaney points out that while giving in to temptation may be pleasant at the time, it inevitably causes sorrows that we would rather avoid (broken relationships, poor health, stressful days, etc.).  She says, "When we recognize self-control as the virtue that spares us from sin's negative consequences, we will welcome it eagerly as our friend."

Some areas in which we may find ourselves lacking self-control are sleep related -- getting up with the alarm or going to bed when we know we should (instead of wanting just a few more minutes of "me time").  Many of us struggle with yelling or using angry words with our family members and need to practice self-control over our tongues.  Often we need to exhibit self-control with our thoughts.  Replaying past hurts, worrying about situations, and dwelling on fear are all ungodly thoughts that we ought to purge from our minds.  Sometimes we even need to exhibit self-control over our feelings.  We acknowledge that we are feeling a certain way, but some feelings are sinful (frustration is the one that I often struggle with) and need to be pushed away, not indulged. 

How can we make our self-control battles more successful?  One practical way to help is to make wise choices before tempting situations arise.  For example, we can avoid movies, music, television shows, books, etc. that will cause us to have ungodly thoughts or feelings.  Also, hunger and tiredness can make self-control more difficult, so it is important to meet our bodies' needs or at least be on guard when we are lacking sleep or meals are delayed.  Most importantly, we must remember that self-control is a fruit of the Spirit, and we will never grow it unless we remain in the vine (John 15). 

October 13 meeting -- Love your Children

Ha!  I'm totally a homeschooling mom, as I sit to write this account of October's meeting in December!  It has been a busy autumn.

Becky and I split the work for this presentation.  She started our meeting with the following quote from Matthew Henry's commentary on this passage of scripture:  And to love their children, not with a natural affection only, but a spiritual, a love springing from a holy sanctified heart and regulated by the Word; not a fond, foolish love, indulging them in evil, neglecting due reproof and correction where necessary, but a regular Christian love, showing itself in their pious education, forming their life and manners aright, taking care of their souls as well as their bodies, of their spiritual welfare as well as of their temporal, of the former chiefly and in the first place.  The reason is added:  That the Word of God may not be blasphemed.  Failures in such relative duties would be greatly to the reproach of Christianity.

So really, does anything else need to be said?  Not really, but here is how the meeting continued --

It is sobering to think that my words and actions toward my children could cause the Word of God to be blasphemed.  However, we need not be discouraged by such a daunting warning.  We know that we are going to fail sometimes.  Matthew Henry reminds us that this rigorous love springs from "a holy sanctified heart" and is "regulated by the Word of God."  As I stay rooted in the reading of scripture and in prayer, I am equipped to love my children this way, and His grace and love to me can be multiplied in their lives. 

We again talked about the power of our words -- the importance of using them to build up our children and not tear them down and the importance of saying "I'm sorry."  We talked about the importance of not being blindly permissive, but rousing ourselves to correct and discipline when it is necessary.  As Christians, it is also important to know when it is time to correct and when it is time to show mercy and give encouragement instead.

Becky closed with the reminder that the word for "love" here is "phileo," meaning a love that enjoys and cherishes.  Loving our children in this way is joyful and affectionate; it means laughing together, cheering them on, and empathizing with their hurts (instead of saying, "I told you so").

As I took over with the practical applications of some of these ideas, I reminded us all that our goal is to raise children who will leave us one day.  Will they make wise decisions then?  Will they call us for counsel then?  Will they call us when they make big mistakes then?  What kind of relationship are we building now?  I hope that all of us are working to build open, honest, and loving relationships with our children.

Some ways that we can do this are:  listening to them (even when we are not interested in the topic at hand), observing them (discover their strengths and weaknesses, figure out what interests them -- use this information in planning school or encouraging them to try new things), thinking and praying about their futures, preparing them for their futures (home skills, traits for success, relationships, spiritual battles, etc.), and showing them tough love when it is needed (stick to the consequences that have been laid out).

Finally, I talked about adjusting to the different phases of parenting.  For example, a toddler needs immediate correction, but often a teen needs time to cool down before correction can take place.  Teens and pre-teens will also often have emotional outbursts, and we need to know when to just give them a hug.  Always we want to watch that we don't lose our tempers and yell at our children, but with teens it is especially easy to get pulled into a shouting match.  So we just need to be prepared for that different stage of life, remembering that we want to build a relationship that will be rock solid when the time comes for them to be out on their own.