The material from this is largely taken from Todd Friel's Reset for Parents.
What are our responsibilities as Christian parents? What role do we play in the salvation of our children? Todd Friel takes on these questions in his book Reset for Parents. He beseeches us to remember that every Christian is a convert; no one is born a Christian. We must also remember that we are not able to save our children, but we can and should pray for their salvation and to teach them in such a way as to make the gospel attractive to them.
Four goals for our interactions with our children:
1) Our words, actions, tone, and expressions would lead them to love and fear God more
2) Our words, actions, tone, and expressions would encourage them that we are fellow sinners who understand both their struggles and their feelings when they fall
3) Our words, actions, tone, and expressions would build, not tear down, our relationships with our children
4) We would model for our children humility, love for God and others, and reliance on God and the Scriptures.
These goals are enough to be getting on with. Which of us are not aware of our failures in these? It is a constant struggle not to let our own anger, frustrations, and disappointments surface when we are correcting and training our children. But it is a worthwhile struggle, and with prayer and Biblical learning, we can grow in godliness in our parenting.
In addition to considering how we parent, we must also consider what we are teaching our children about God. There are some crucial things for our children to understand about God before we send them out into the post-modern culture in which we live.
1) God and the Law
God is holy and just. He will judge and punish all who fail to keep the law perfectly. It is not enough to be a "good" person. God's standard is 100% obedience to the 10 commandments, which, as Jesus taught us, include not just our actions, but also the desires of our hearts. Understanding our failure to keep the law helps us to see our need for the gospel.
2) The Gospel
The message of the gospel is that even though we are lawbreakers, we are not without hope. God himself, in the second person of the Trinity, came to save us. He perfectly kept the law, and then bore the punishment for our sins on the cross. In doing this, Jesus saved us from the wrath of God (justification) and from our enslavement to our sinful passions (sanctification). Justification is a one-time event by which we are declared "not guilty" in God's court. Salvation is a life-long process by which we become more like Christ as we learn through the scriptures who God is and what He desires our lives to be. Salvation cannot be earned by good works, but good works are evidence of it.
3) The Character of God
If your children have not already been asked, they will be one day, "If God is all-good and all-powerful, why do evil things happen?" Are they ready for that question? Do they know that God is not only good and omnipotent, but also loving, holy, just, long-suffering, patient, kind, generous...? Our kids need to have a foundational knowledge of who God is, and how to discover Him through the scriptures.
4) The Character of Man
Do your children understand that understand that we are each self-centered and slaves to our desires? Do they understand, along with Paul, that they actually will have to battle against their natural desires? There is a common idea in our culture that people are basically good and will do good if just given the right environment. That idea is in direct contradiction to everything in the Bible.
5) Sin
Do your children understand that there is such a thing as sin? Do they know what specific attitudes, words, and actions are sinful, according to Biblical standards? Also, do your children understand that sin is not an "if," but a "when?"
6) Who is Jesus?
Many people believe that Jesus was a good teacher, but that He never claimed to be God. Do your children know that this is untrue? Do your children understand the scriptures in which Jesus claimed to be God?
7) Life is hard and it is not fair.
Bad things are going to happen in our lives. Sometimes these things happen because we have made poor or sinful decisions. But sometimes things that seem bad to us, with our limited perspective, are actually things that drive us closer to God and make us more holy. Are our kids prepared to trust God and turn to Him when things happen in their lives that they don't understand or don't like?
8) How to see God's will for decision-making
Pray for God's wisdom. Read every Bible verse that speaks to the subject. Seek godly counsel from elders who know you well. Consider your preferences. Move forward in peace.
9) For Teens:
If you teens do not have a desire to grow in godliness, to know the Lord better, to be a mature Christian, to serve others; if their only desire is to please themselves, then they may not actually be Christians. It is at least worth a conversation with them if you see no desire for/evidence of spiritual growth in their lives.
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