There is something good for me in being called to present something that I still struggle with myself. I learned a lot in preparing for this lesson and was glad for the reminder to be self-controlled, "so that no one will malign the word of God." I took much of the information for this presentation from Carolyn Mahaney's book Feminine Appeal.
The word used in Titus 2 for self-controlled is "sophron." The root word that it comes from is "sophroneo," which means "to be in a right state of mind, have sober judgement; to be self-controlled." (Thank you NIV Key Word Bible.)
What are some things we need to do in order to "be in a right state of mind?" First, we must recognize that we are our own worst enemies. It is helpful for us to remember that we have sinful desires and that we like to indulge them. Secondly, we must realize that self-control doesn't just happen. We must continually work toward greater self-control. (Phil. 2:12 says "...continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to His good purpose.") Finally, we must be aware that our thoughts and feelings are part of our fallen nature and can be sinful themselves.
What are some things that we need to do in order to "have sober judgement?" The first thing we need is to know God's will, and the only way to do this is to be intently studying God's word on a regular basis (Romans 12:2). We also need wisdom to be able to apply God's word to our situations, knowing how and when to speak and to act. Fortunately, God has told us in James 1:5 that all we need to do is to ask Him for wisdom and He will give generously to us.
The hardest step of all may be in exercising self-control. Sometimes it feels as if we are giving up what we really want when we have to be self-controlled. However, Carolyn Mahaney points out that while giving in to temptation may be pleasant at the time, it inevitably causes sorrows that we would rather avoid (broken relationships, poor health, stressful days, etc.). She says, "When we recognize self-control as the virtue that spares us from sin's negative consequences, we will welcome it eagerly as our friend."
Some areas in which we may find ourselves lacking self-control are sleep related -- getting up with the alarm or going to bed when we know we should (instead of wanting just a few more minutes of "me time"). Many of us struggle with yelling or using angry words with our family members and need to practice self-control over our tongues. Often we need to exhibit self-control with our thoughts. Replaying past hurts, worrying about situations, and dwelling on fear are all ungodly thoughts that we ought to purge from our minds. Sometimes we even need to exhibit self-control over our feelings. We acknowledge that we are feeling a certain way, but some feelings are sinful (frustration is the one that I often struggle with) and need to be pushed away, not indulged.
How can we make our self-control battles more successful? One practical way to help is to make wise choices before tempting situations arise. For example, we can avoid movies, music, television shows, books, etc. that will cause us to have ungodly thoughts or feelings. Also, hunger and tiredness can make self-control more difficult, so it is important to meet our bodies' needs or at least be on guard when we are lacking sleep or meals are delayed. Most importantly, we must remember that self-control is a fruit of the Spirit, and we will never grow it unless we remain in the vine (John 15).
Monday, December 28, 2015
Tuesday, December 8, 2015
October 13 meeting -- Love your Children
Ha! I'm totally a homeschooling mom, as I sit to write this account of October's meeting in December! It has been a busy autumn.
Becky and I split the work for this presentation. She started our meeting with the following quote from Matthew Henry's commentary on this passage of scripture: And to love their children, not with a natural affection only, but a spiritual, a love springing from a holy sanctified heart and regulated by the Word; not a fond, foolish love, indulging them in evil, neglecting due reproof and correction where necessary, but a regular Christian love, showing itself in their pious education, forming their life and manners aright, taking care of their souls as well as their bodies, of their spiritual welfare as well as of their temporal, of the former chiefly and in the first place. The reason is added: That the Word of God may not be blasphemed. Failures in such relative duties would be greatly to the reproach of Christianity.
So really, does anything else need to be said? Not really, but here is how the meeting continued --
It is sobering to think that my words and actions toward my children could cause the Word of God to be blasphemed. However, we need not be discouraged by such a daunting warning. We know that we are going to fail sometimes. Matthew Henry reminds us that this rigorous love springs from "a holy sanctified heart" and is "regulated by the Word of God." As I stay rooted in the reading of scripture and in prayer, I am equipped to love my children this way, and His grace and love to me can be multiplied in their lives.
We again talked about the power of our words -- the importance of using them to build up our children and not tear them down and the importance of saying "I'm sorry." We talked about the importance of not being blindly permissive, but rousing ourselves to correct and discipline when it is necessary. As Christians, it is also important to know when it is time to correct and when it is time to show mercy and give encouragement instead.
Becky closed with the reminder that the word for "love" here is "phileo," meaning a love that enjoys and cherishes. Loving our children in this way is joyful and affectionate; it means laughing together, cheering them on, and empathizing with their hurts (instead of saying, "I told you so").
As I took over with the practical applications of some of these ideas, I reminded us all that our goal is to raise children who will leave us one day. Will they make wise decisions then? Will they call us for counsel then? Will they call us when they make big mistakes then? What kind of relationship are we building now? I hope that all of us are working to build open, honest, and loving relationships with our children.
Some ways that we can do this are: listening to them (even when we are not interested in the topic at hand), observing them (discover their strengths and weaknesses, figure out what interests them -- use this information in planning school or encouraging them to try new things), thinking and praying about their futures, preparing them for their futures (home skills, traits for success, relationships, spiritual battles, etc.), and showing them tough love when it is needed (stick to the consequences that have been laid out).
Finally, I talked about adjusting to the different phases of parenting. For example, a toddler needs immediate correction, but often a teen needs time to cool down before correction can take place. Teens and pre-teens will also often have emotional outbursts, and we need to know when to just give them a hug. Always we want to watch that we don't lose our tempers and yell at our children, but with teens it is especially easy to get pulled into a shouting match. So we just need to be prepared for that different stage of life, remembering that we want to build a relationship that will be rock solid when the time comes for them to be out on their own.
Becky and I split the work for this presentation. She started our meeting with the following quote from Matthew Henry's commentary on this passage of scripture: And to love their children, not with a natural affection only, but a spiritual, a love springing from a holy sanctified heart and regulated by the Word; not a fond, foolish love, indulging them in evil, neglecting due reproof and correction where necessary, but a regular Christian love, showing itself in their pious education, forming their life and manners aright, taking care of their souls as well as their bodies, of their spiritual welfare as well as of their temporal, of the former chiefly and in the first place. The reason is added: That the Word of God may not be blasphemed. Failures in such relative duties would be greatly to the reproach of Christianity.
So really, does anything else need to be said? Not really, but here is how the meeting continued --
It is sobering to think that my words and actions toward my children could cause the Word of God to be blasphemed. However, we need not be discouraged by such a daunting warning. We know that we are going to fail sometimes. Matthew Henry reminds us that this rigorous love springs from "a holy sanctified heart" and is "regulated by the Word of God." As I stay rooted in the reading of scripture and in prayer, I am equipped to love my children this way, and His grace and love to me can be multiplied in their lives.
We again talked about the power of our words -- the importance of using them to build up our children and not tear them down and the importance of saying "I'm sorry." We talked about the importance of not being blindly permissive, but rousing ourselves to correct and discipline when it is necessary. As Christians, it is also important to know when it is time to correct and when it is time to show mercy and give encouragement instead.
Becky closed with the reminder that the word for "love" here is "phileo," meaning a love that enjoys and cherishes. Loving our children in this way is joyful and affectionate; it means laughing together, cheering them on, and empathizing with their hurts (instead of saying, "I told you so").
As I took over with the practical applications of some of these ideas, I reminded us all that our goal is to raise children who will leave us one day. Will they make wise decisions then? Will they call us for counsel then? Will they call us when they make big mistakes then? What kind of relationship are we building now? I hope that all of us are working to build open, honest, and loving relationships with our children.
Some ways that we can do this are: listening to them (even when we are not interested in the topic at hand), observing them (discover their strengths and weaknesses, figure out what interests them -- use this information in planning school or encouraging them to try new things), thinking and praying about their futures, preparing them for their futures (home skills, traits for success, relationships, spiritual battles, etc.), and showing them tough love when it is needed (stick to the consequences that have been laid out).
Finally, I talked about adjusting to the different phases of parenting. For example, a toddler needs immediate correction, but often a teen needs time to cool down before correction can take place. Teens and pre-teens will also often have emotional outbursts, and we need to know when to just give them a hug. Always we want to watch that we don't lose our tempers and yell at our children, but with teens it is especially easy to get pulled into a shouting match. So we just need to be prepared for that different stage of life, remembering that we want to build a relationship that will be rock solid when the time comes for them to be out on their own.
Saturday, October 3, 2015
Sept. 8 Meeting -- Love your Husband
This year's NDCHEA meetings will be following a slightly different schedule from the one we have followed for the past several years. Last spring, our members decided that we would like to focus more on spiritual growth this year, rather than the more practical "how-to" focus that we have had in the past. (For those "how-to" questions that still arise, we have fellowship meetings in November and February where parents can bring up any issues they are facing.)
For this year, we will be concentrating on the list of character qualities from Titus 2:4-5 that the older women are to teach the younger women...to love their husbands and children; to be self-controlled, kind, pure, and managers of their homes; and to be submissive to their own husbands. Each month one of the NDCHEA members will be giving a short presentation on what she has learned over the years about that particular quality and how she tries to exhibit it in her home and homeschooling.
On September 8, Lisa set the standard for the rest of the meetings this year as she discussed loving our husbands. Most of the information she presented came from the book A Woman after God's Own Heart by Elizabeth George. She began by reminding us why Titus 2 says that these seven qualities are important -- to help younger women, to help ourselves, and that the Word of God may not be reviled.
Lisa then went on to discuss three aspects of loving our husbands. These are serving, submitting, and loving. She reminded us that Matthew 20:28 tells us that Christ came to serve, not to be served. With our husbands, we are called to be their helpers (Gen. 2:18). She defined a helper as one who shares a man's responsibilities, responds to his nature with understanding and love, and wholeheartedly cooperates with him in working out the plan of God. Each of us has to consider -- What are my husband's responsibilities? What is his nature and how should I respond to it? What does it look like when I cooperate with him? We can successfully serve when we make a commitment to help him in his responsibilities, focus on him (his preferences/needs) and not ourselves, make the best of whatever happens, and ask ourselves before speaking or acting, "Will this help him or hinder him?"
Lisa spent only a little time talking about submission, as it will be covered in a later meeting, but she did define it for us as placing ourselves under someone else. She reminded us that submission is a choice, not something that anyone can force you to do. However, when we move away from selfishness, we reflect God's character. Also, submission is not actually about our husbands -- our submission is unto the Lord. In the end, our husbands will be accountable to God for their leadership decisions, and we will be accountable to God for how we submit to that leadership.
Finally, Lisa talked about loving our husbands. The word for love in this verse is "phileo," which many know as "friendship love." We are to cherish and enjoy our husbands, seeing them as our best friends. She encouraged us to "spoil him rotten" and reminded us NOT to over-invest in our children while under-investing in our marriages.
She gave several practical things that we can do to love our husbands. We can pray for him daily. We can plan and prepare for him daily. (This would look different in different homes, but for my home it means that when my husband walks in after work, the kitchen table is cleaned off and there is smile on my face for him!) We can please him by making an effort to learn what he likes and dislikes, and even learn about things that he is interested in. We must protect our time with him, physically love him, and praise him both in public and private (never criticize him in public). Also, she recommended positively responding to him -- making it a habit of saying "sure" or "yes" to his requests, instead of responding negatively.
I know many ladies already know much of this information, but it is always good to be reminded. When I came home after the meeting, my husband and I were talking about the things Lisa had said, and it opened the opportunity for a good discussion about a couple of things that he would like to be better in our home. It was so good to remember that there is always something (even a little thing) that I can do to enhance the most important human relationship I have.
For this year, we will be concentrating on the list of character qualities from Titus 2:4-5 that the older women are to teach the younger women...to love their husbands and children; to be self-controlled, kind, pure, and managers of their homes; and to be submissive to their own husbands. Each month one of the NDCHEA members will be giving a short presentation on what she has learned over the years about that particular quality and how she tries to exhibit it in her home and homeschooling.
On September 8, Lisa set the standard for the rest of the meetings this year as she discussed loving our husbands. Most of the information she presented came from the book A Woman after God's Own Heart by Elizabeth George. She began by reminding us why Titus 2 says that these seven qualities are important -- to help younger women, to help ourselves, and that the Word of God may not be reviled.
Lisa then went on to discuss three aspects of loving our husbands. These are serving, submitting, and loving. She reminded us that Matthew 20:28 tells us that Christ came to serve, not to be served. With our husbands, we are called to be their helpers (Gen. 2:18). She defined a helper as one who shares a man's responsibilities, responds to his nature with understanding and love, and wholeheartedly cooperates with him in working out the plan of God. Each of us has to consider -- What are my husband's responsibilities? What is his nature and how should I respond to it? What does it look like when I cooperate with him? We can successfully serve when we make a commitment to help him in his responsibilities, focus on him (his preferences/needs) and not ourselves, make the best of whatever happens, and ask ourselves before speaking or acting, "Will this help him or hinder him?"
Lisa spent only a little time talking about submission, as it will be covered in a later meeting, but she did define it for us as placing ourselves under someone else. She reminded us that submission is a choice, not something that anyone can force you to do. However, when we move away from selfishness, we reflect God's character. Also, submission is not actually about our husbands -- our submission is unto the Lord. In the end, our husbands will be accountable to God for their leadership decisions, and we will be accountable to God for how we submit to that leadership.
Finally, Lisa talked about loving our husbands. The word for love in this verse is "phileo," which many know as "friendship love." We are to cherish and enjoy our husbands, seeing them as our best friends. She encouraged us to "spoil him rotten" and reminded us NOT to over-invest in our children while under-investing in our marriages.
She gave several practical things that we can do to love our husbands. We can pray for him daily. We can plan and prepare for him daily. (This would look different in different homes, but for my home it means that when my husband walks in after work, the kitchen table is cleaned off and there is smile on my face for him!) We can please him by making an effort to learn what he likes and dislikes, and even learn about things that he is interested in. We must protect our time with him, physically love him, and praise him both in public and private (never criticize him in public). Also, she recommended positively responding to him -- making it a habit of saying "sure" or "yes" to his requests, instead of responding negatively.
I know many ladies already know much of this information, but it is always good to be reminded. When I came home after the meeting, my husband and I were talking about the things Lisa had said, and it opened the opportunity for a good discussion about a couple of things that he would like to be better in our home. It was so good to remember that there is always something (even a little thing) that I can do to enhance the most important human relationship I have.
Wednesday, March 25, 2015
Dayton Performing Arts Alliance Family Series
I have been concerned about my limited ability to expose my children to the arts. Several times over the years, I have tried to teach art classes to them (usually following my reading of books or attending conventions which told me that it was CRUCIAL that I teach my children art.) Unfortunately, I have failed every time and we have given up after brief attempts. I have little artistic ability and even less drive to teach it, and it seemed to always be the subject that went by the wayside when we were pressed for time.
However, we have done better with other artistic areas, especially in the area of performing arts. It all started a couple of years ago, my in-laws purchased season tickets to what is now the "Connections" series from the DPAA for my oldest child for her birthday. Her dad and I enjoyed taking turns accompanying her to these Sunday performances of the philharmonic, which were followed by free Graeter's ice cream -- always a plus! We considered the possibility of our other children going to the philharmonic performances, but thought that the Connections series concerts might not hold their attention. (The younger two were 9 and 12 at the time.)
However, the DPAA has another series which is targeted to families. The family series includes three philharmonic performances (one by the youth orchestra -- which was awesome, I might add) and one "wildcard" performance of your choice. The philharmonic performances are a little shorter than a standard performance -- a little over an hour as opposed to closer to two hours.
For $120 (with a teacher discount), we got one student and one adult ticket for each performance. Then we let each child choose which performance he/she wanted most to see. It has been great one-on-one time for us with the kids, the performances have been very entertaining, and I have finally found an easy and enjoyable way to get some arts exposure for our children. Even our teenagers have enjoyed these family friendly performances.
We've already ordered our tickets for next year. We will be seeing the orchestra's annual "Philharmonster" around Halloween time, a matinee performance of "The Nutcracker," a concert with the youth orchestra accompanied by the Magic Circle Mime Co., and (for our wildcard), the ballet "Cinderella." I am so excited to get to attend two ballets next year -- one with each of my girls. My husband and son will get to enjoy the other two performances together.
If your children are interested in music and old enough to sit through a shorter concert performance, I highly recommend that you check out the DPAA's family series.
However, we have done better with other artistic areas, especially in the area of performing arts. It all started a couple of years ago, my in-laws purchased season tickets to what is now the "Connections" series from the DPAA for my oldest child for her birthday. Her dad and I enjoyed taking turns accompanying her to these Sunday performances of the philharmonic, which were followed by free Graeter's ice cream -- always a plus! We considered the possibility of our other children going to the philharmonic performances, but thought that the Connections series concerts might not hold their attention. (The younger two were 9 and 12 at the time.)
However, the DPAA has another series which is targeted to families. The family series includes three philharmonic performances (one by the youth orchestra -- which was awesome, I might add) and one "wildcard" performance of your choice. The philharmonic performances are a little shorter than a standard performance -- a little over an hour as opposed to closer to two hours.
For $120 (with a teacher discount), we got one student and one adult ticket for each performance. Then we let each child choose which performance he/she wanted most to see. It has been great one-on-one time for us with the kids, the performances have been very entertaining, and I have finally found an easy and enjoyable way to get some arts exposure for our children. Even our teenagers have enjoyed these family friendly performances.
We've already ordered our tickets for next year. We will be seeing the orchestra's annual "Philharmonster" around Halloween time, a matinee performance of "The Nutcracker," a concert with the youth orchestra accompanied by the Magic Circle Mime Co., and (for our wildcard), the ballet "Cinderella." I am so excited to get to attend two ballets next year -- one with each of my girls. My husband and son will get to enjoy the other two performances together.
If your children are interested in music and old enough to sit through a shorter concert performance, I highly recommend that you check out the DPAA's family series.
Tuesday, February 17, 2015
Internet Safety
Our February, 2015 meeting was led by Jen Shearer of Main Source Computers in Brookville. Jen shared ways to keep our children safe while they are using the internet. Her presentation included common sense strategies, as well as software that can be used to block inappropriate internet sites, limit online time, and track internet usage.
Parents can employ several common sense strategies for internet safety.
1) Keep the computer in a centralized location or one into which parents are regularly coming and going.
Keeping the computer in a place where parents and siblings are around minimizes behaviors that children would not want others to see.
2) Create desktop icons for sites that children are allowed to visit or are using for schoolwork.
Eliminating the need for children to type the site into the address bar will eliminate the possibility that they will type in the address incorrectly and be sent to a site that would be inappropriate for them.
3) Stay involved with your children.
Have open and honest (age appropriate) discussions about why your rules are in place. Eventually, the child will have to make decisions on his own about what to watch and what to avoid. It is best for him if he understands and accepts for himself the boundaries you have set.
4) Set time limits for "screen time."
Some parents use computers for much of their schooling, so this strategy may not apply to them. Others, however, set limits for how long each day a child can be on the computer, kindle, etc. or times of day when the child can be on it. Times of day limits can be especially important when there are multiple children in the family who need to share the device.
Parents can purchase software or utilize other parental controls.
1) Purchase a game upgrade
Many "free" educational games have advertisements that parents would prefer their children not be subjected to. Often for a modest fee, parents can upgrade to an "ad-free" version of the game. Some moms felt that it was worth a couple of dollars to have a version of the game without ads.
2) Use an e-mail service that doesn't have ads.
Many free e-mail services have ads that run alongside the messages. Gmail is one e-mail service that does not have ads.
3) Use free parental blocks on the devices you have.
Windows 7 & 8 have blocking and tracking features that you can initiate. You'll need to set up separate user accounts for your children. Several browsers, including Internet Explorer and Google Chrome, have blocking options that parents can select. For tablets, Apple, Windows, Android, and Fire all have parental controls. Parents at our meeting agreed that the kids' version of the Kindle Fire is excellent in this regard. You can set time limits, site limits, and a curfew on it.
4) Purchase protection software.
Three options that were discussed were Safe Eyes, Net Nanny, and Covenant Eyes. Net Nanny had some bad ratings online, and Covenant Eyes tended to work well on desktops, but not so much on tablets. However, parents should research to see what option would be best for their family.
Parents can employ several common sense strategies for internet safety.
1) Keep the computer in a centralized location or one into which parents are regularly coming and going.
Keeping the computer in a place where parents and siblings are around minimizes behaviors that children would not want others to see.
2) Create desktop icons for sites that children are allowed to visit or are using for schoolwork.
Eliminating the need for children to type the site into the address bar will eliminate the possibility that they will type in the address incorrectly and be sent to a site that would be inappropriate for them.
3) Stay involved with your children.
Have open and honest (age appropriate) discussions about why your rules are in place. Eventually, the child will have to make decisions on his own about what to watch and what to avoid. It is best for him if he understands and accepts for himself the boundaries you have set.
4) Set time limits for "screen time."
Some parents use computers for much of their schooling, so this strategy may not apply to them. Others, however, set limits for how long each day a child can be on the computer, kindle, etc. or times of day when the child can be on it. Times of day limits can be especially important when there are multiple children in the family who need to share the device.
Parents can purchase software or utilize other parental controls.
1) Purchase a game upgrade
Many "free" educational games have advertisements that parents would prefer their children not be subjected to. Often for a modest fee, parents can upgrade to an "ad-free" version of the game. Some moms felt that it was worth a couple of dollars to have a version of the game without ads.
2) Use an e-mail service that doesn't have ads.
Many free e-mail services have ads that run alongside the messages. Gmail is one e-mail service that does not have ads.
3) Use free parental blocks on the devices you have.
Windows 7 & 8 have blocking and tracking features that you can initiate. You'll need to set up separate user accounts for your children. Several browsers, including Internet Explorer and Google Chrome, have blocking options that parents can select. For tablets, Apple, Windows, Android, and Fire all have parental controls. Parents at our meeting agreed that the kids' version of the Kindle Fire is excellent in this regard. You can set time limits, site limits, and a curfew on it.
4) Purchase protection software.
Three options that were discussed were Safe Eyes, Net Nanny, and Covenant Eyes. Net Nanny had some bad ratings online, and Covenant Eyes tended to work well on desktops, but not so much on tablets. However, parents should research to see what option would be best for their family.
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